It’s First Line Friday over at the MindloveMisery’s Menagerie blog. This week our first line is The rose bushes lay a siege with velveteen petals and curved thorns.
The rose bushes lay a siege with velveteen petals and curved thorns.
These multi-faceted flowers were not your average narcissistic, depthless blooms. No, there was much more to them than that. Although they appeared harmless enough with their fuzzy velveteen petals, their curved thorns were deadly when leveled against an enemy.
It all started when Svetlana Mazurski rescued the then-raggedy rose bushes from a nursery that had gone out of business. She brought them home and planted them in her barren garden. Over several weeks, Svetlana nursed them back to health and beyond, with the help of her babcia’s Polish Power Plant Potion (aka P4) from the Old Country. With the help of P4, the roses grew bigger, stronger, and even smarter than plants raised in the traditional manner.
The rose bushes were so grateful to Svetlana for their rescue that they vowed to always keep her safe from people who did not have her best interest at heart.
Like whom, you ask?
The protective posies stood guard against unwanted solicitors, crappy boyfriends, and even process servers disguised as normal human beings. You see, Babcia’s P4 also enhanced the psychic ability of all types of flora. There was no getting over on these bad-ass blossoms.
One day, a man started up the path to Svetlana’s home. The rose bushes instantly went on the alert and assessed the situation. What appeared to be an unassuming magazine salesman, was in fact a burglar casing the area. The rose bushes stifled their respective maniacal giggles and sprung (like Springtime) into action.
First, their sweet aroma mutated into a smothering stench; a combination of a pig farm and wildcat sanctuary. This rendered the intruder’s eyes to water like Niagara Falls and brought on violent waves of nausea. Next, the velveteen on the rose petals imbued themselves with poison ivy pollen, while the curved horns grew temporary spikes — spikes as sharp as stiletto switchblades.
It didn’t take the posey posse long to work over the intruder, whose remains made for a fabulous fertilizer.
Best of all there were no leftovers, i.e. evidence.