My Random Musings

It’s #AnythingGoes Linky Week over at the My Random Musings blog. Go check ’em out!

“A  big ‘hello’ to all you folks out there in Radioland. Boy, oh boy, do we have a show for you! Ladies and gentlemen, today—for the first time in radio history—we’re bringing you a live, tell-all interview with your favorite appliance and mine…The Refrigerator!  And here he is now!”

<canned applause>

“Welcome to the show, Mr. Refrigerator!”

“What’s buzzin’ cuzzin? Call me Chillie.”

“Sure thing, Chillie, hehehehehYou’re familiar with the Proust Questionnaire, correct?”

“I’m hip.”

“Great! Let’s get started then, shall we?”

“Righto, Bobbo.”

“Okay, Chillie. What do you think is your greatest virtue?”

“Well, Bob. I’ll tell ya. It’s my compartmentalization gig. Dig this: I keep ice cubes solid without freezing the ankle-biters’ Kool-Aid. Oscar Oven and Tillie Toaster ain’t cookin’ like that!”

“Indeed, Chillie. Indeed. Now, what do you feel are the most important qualities in a man?”

“Bob, I gotta tell ya. I dig a cat who doesn’t yank me open and slam me shut. One time, this dipstick yanked me so hard he busted my handle off! Cast an eyeball <points to handle>. I wasn’t born this way. There oughtta be a law.”

“Oh, the trauma, Chillie!  And what about in a woman?”

“Well, it gripes the <bleep> outta me when some doll opens my door, and stares at my innards with this odd-ball look on her face. It’s nowhere, dig? I mean, if you don’t know what you want, what makes you think Igot it?”

“So, in essence, Chillie, the life of a fridge isn’t as glamorous as we’ve been led to believe. Am I right?”


“All right, then. Chillie, what is your greatest fear?”

“Bob, I’m scared to death that turquoise appliances will go out of style. If that happens…Bob, I’ll be shot down. It’s the royal shaft. Deadsville. I’d be doneDone! <Waaaaaa! WahWaaaa!>

“Aww, don’t cry, Chillie! <somebody grab a beach towel!>  I’m sure turquoise appliances like you will be around for a long, long time.”

“Thanks, Bob.” <sniff sniff> “That question really rattled my cage, dig? Got me cranked…”

“I see that, Chillie. Are you ready to continue?”

“Punch it, Bobby!”

“Chillie, share with our listeners, your most embarrassing moment.”

“Oh, geez. The power outage. I was unplugged, if you get my drift, for days when the family finally came home. Bob, when they opened me up,  every one of ’em got sick; I’m talkin’ physically ill, all because of my putrid stench.   We’re talkin’ sauerkraut and kielbasa; a tuna casserole, curdled milk. We’re talkin’ onions, raw chicken; melted ice cream bars, thawed TV dinners and pork chops. I felt like a grody pig. A real slob, dig?

“Phew! I would imagine so. Okay, Chillie . Now, for our final question: if you could be anything else in the world, Chillie, what would you be?”

“Bob, I’ll tell ya. It’s between a Sherman tank and a Brillo pad.”

“Wha…? But the two are polar opposites!”

“I know. I pulled ’em out of my drip tray to bug ya, Daddy-O!”

“Very funny, Mr. Refrigerator.”

“Hey, don’t be a wet blanket!  I’ll get on the stick. Lemme answer the question. Pleeeeease?

“Go ahead.” <sigh>.

“Cool. All joking aside, if I could be anything else in the whole wide world, I’d be…a Sherman tank and a Brillo pad. Bwahahahaha! You walked into that one, Big Daddy!”

“Why, you irreverent hunk of junk. I oughtta…


We interrupt this program for a breaking news bulletin.

“It’s just come into the newsroom that turquoise appliances have become obsolete. That’s right folks, they are ob-so-lete… “



SusanWritesPrecise/ Susan Marie Shuman


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