Good morning, folks! Today we have an extra-special treat for you: an interview with that remarkable reptilian super-hero: Thunder Turtle! Let’s get started.
Me: Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Mr. Turtle.
TT: Please, call me Shelldon. That’s my real name, Shelldon McSnapper. I didn’t become Thunder Turtle until I grew up.
Me: Okay, Shelldon, it is. Now, how did you get started as Thunder Turtle.
TT: Well, it all started when I was a youngster and belonged to a particular bale (group) of hatchlings. You know how kids are, there’s a bully in every bale. Anyway, one day I saw a group of thugs picking on a special needs hatchlings who also had a speech impediment. The bums were flipping him on his back, spinning him around, and writing “I’m a T-T-TURD-le” on him in black permanent marker. I thought to myself, If I don’t stop this, who will? If not now, when?
Me: Wow! Weren’t you afraid taking on a bale of bullies by yourself?
TT: Not really. I’ve always been big for my age. Besides it was the right thing to do.
Me: So what did you do?
TT: I stood up on my back legs and ran toward those thugs, hissing and grunting as loud as I could. Now, keep in mind, turtles can’t hear. We can feel vibration though and let me tell you what; those wieners tucked their empty little heads into their shells but fast. Then I stopped Tyler (the special-needs kid) from spinning and tried to rub the black marker of off him with salt water. Those thugs never bothered him again.
Me: You made a friend for life in Tyler, didn’t you?
TT: Oh, yeah. I see him around every so often. Usually during mating season.
Me: You are the first reptilian super-hero I’ve ever met. Tell me, do you have a motto?
TT: Sort of, I guess. “I may not be fast, but I’m Bad Ass!”
Me: I like it! It’s fitting.
TT: Now, I don’t wear a cape like Superman or have a Bat Mobile like Bat-Man, or even a special amulet.
Me: And why is that?
TT: Well, for starters, turtles don’t wear clothes. Who has time to shop? We don’t drive nor do we have fingers for rings & such. So, what you see is what you get.
Me: It sounds to me like you don’t need anything else! So, what other kinds of things do you do to keep the reptilian world safe from evil forces?
TT: I spend a lot of my time making sure other turtles stay out of the street. They have a bad habit of wandering into traffic and getting killed or causing accidents. Then, when it’s time for the sea turtles to lay their eggs, I escort the ladies to make sure nobody bothers them as they come out of the water and find just the right spot to drop off the kids. Then, I wait around until they finished and escort them back to the water because by then, the girls are exhausted.
Me: You certainly sound like a busy guy!
TT: Yeah, I guess. But hey, somebody has to look out for amphibians.
Me: One more question if you don’t mind. What’s your take on the Teen-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles?
TT: I think they’re funny. It’s a great show, but pure fiction. Real life ain’t like that. Don’t kid yourself.
“Well folks, that about wraps up our interview. Thanks so much, Shelldon, for your time, and be safe out there!”
TT: You betcha!
Written for The Haunted Wordsmith Daily Writing Challenge November 4.